In the middle

It just takes sometime, little girl 
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright.

(Jimmy Eat World's In the Middle)

It is so uncomfortable to be in the middle. Ang pangit ng feeling. Di mo alam kung saan ka lulugar. You'll always end up being divided. It's whether you turn left or you turn right. It's whether you go up or you go down. Last year, when I took up some Literature subjects after graduating and at the same time working, I was always hesitant on what jeepney fare would I follow: the student/disabled/elderly fare or the regular one. I hate being in the middle because you will always be tempted to go to both ways. In the family, isn't it hard to be a middle child? In your circle of friends, isn't it hard to always be the mediator? Being in the middle compels you to weigh and to think.

Mmmbop

Say you don't care, in an mmmbop they're gone...

How I wish all the baggage and the burdens in the world could just be gone in an mmmbop. In a split of a second, in a wink or two, in an armstretch, in a yawn, in a snap of a finger, in a twist of a wrist, in a handshake, in a toe-tap, in a sneeze, in a cough, in a headturn, all of them would just disappear. All of them gone in 60 seconds. Err, or less.


It's all happening

I watched Almost Famous last night when I was almost desperate to end my life. Haha! I watched it for the sake of nostalgia. I watched it for the sake of consoling myself that music can make things happen. And that music can heal wounds and change our moods. So, I again savoured lines such as "They don't know what it is to love music, to really love music, to love a silly little piece of song or some band so much, that it hurts.", and the starstruck/zenith of groupies/zest for 15-minutes of fame, "It's all happening!!!"

Digression: There is just this poignant scene wherein William (Patrick Fugit) and Penny Lane (Kate Hudson) parted ways in the airport. Penny was almost relaxed in her seat after mimicking the airline guidelines and safety reminders. But then, she suddenly felt this surge of mixed emotions that she had to look by the plane's windowside. Then, here comes the great tear-inducing guitar instrumental that makes you feel good and worried, relaxed and bothered, smiling and sobbing all the same. It was such a poignant piece. How I wish they had included it in the available soundtrack. :p

Anyway, I just want to say that last night was the result of the past weekend. My weekend was an eyebrow and hell-raising, intestine-flipping, heart-crushing one that I ever had. I shall call it "Saturday Night Live Paranoia" and "Sunday Grabe Sunday"

What happened? I guess I just kind of correlated what's really happening in my life right now with the line "It's all happening". I still can't believe everything that occurred. It was an ominous landscape of never-ending calamity (thanks, Brandon Boyd!). All the troubles and the complications have swelled up and have slowly, but ruthlessly made me want to end life quickly. Here I go again. Harhar...


In a nutshell

I guess there is no real and sensible connection among these subtitles I made for this entry. One thing I can say though, the shell is as empty as my brain. What?! Crazy.