People have long weighed physical potency against emotional, psychological and spiritual vitality. The thorny question of who will you side on, for instance, a person who is emotional distressed than a person who is physically weak, is still as intricate and testing as the broad and winding road of religion or philosophy.

I'll get straight to the point. No matter how adamant I, myself want to be when it comes to putting a stop on extending sympathies and commiseration to those beggars and impoverished many strewn along the busy streets in sullied cities, I just can't. And you know what most people say about following your heart.

Just one MRT ride will screw my week long target of not giving alms to those pitiful faces and grimy bodies that will meekly and persistently nudge their palms and cupped hands for a quarter or two. Just the apparent fact that they are everywhere, I know that my promises ought to be broken.

Given the growing and convincing truth that the underprivileged and indigent inhabitants have continually outnumbered the rest of the population in our country, my pity still has conditions and limitations. If I've mentioned about "following my heart", I am proud to say that it is selective. Take for example, the bible-freaks that preaches or shall I say infuriates your early morning bus-ride as they specifically order you to give "money" and not bus tickets and other paper wrappings in their overused envelopes. What about the "spider-kids" along Quezon Avenue who takes advantage of red traffic light, crawls along the aisle of jeepneys and let their soiled rugs speedily run through your bare feet? And can I still mention those picky beggars who notoriously throw the food that you gave them to show their dislike of not getting money?

So now, my Achilles heel stems out from no other than seniority in age. Old people cork up the cruel me. Whenever I spot some cane-dependent, gaunt-faced, close-to-naked, medically undersupplied and care-wanting elderly, I lose my principles and ideologies. Maybe weakness should most importantly be measured by flesh. After all, we are human beings who crave and live superficially for flesh. Don't we?

Come to think of it, what is a 70-year old, sagged and sallow skinned grandfather who doesn't even have false teeth to an energetic 20-something with a cheaply-dyed hair? What is the purpose of listening to sappy and overly dramatic stories of a middle-aged woman who runs to you and narrates same old tales about a bed-ridden or a medically deficient loved one? Yes, at times, I still consider myself crueler when I discriminate against other poor people just because of age. Through sickness and health, be richer or poorer, age shouldn't matter.

However, these are only words that I can share. I can never say when and how this so-called weakness will settle down into something else. As of now, the flesh is willing but the mind is weak.

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